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April 22, 2008

weary in the last lap

This is it - the end of my first semester of graduate school.
This is it - me growing weary of the read-write process.
Here I am - in the final leg of a long 12-week run of 2 courses. I am tired.

My plan is to do 2 - 1 - 2 (spring - summer - fall) so I can finish in under three years. But it seems I have a little issue with one of my courses now, where I am struggling to complete an assignment worth 25% of my grade. I have lost steam, I am looking forward to a few weeks off before the summer session crunch, and I find several new hoops to jump through.

What is the issue? Well, this class has an 'action research project' due and my research question relates to the medical students at work. Come to find out, I cannot do any level of research on students without permission from the institution.

Blaming: I discovered the need for approval early last week and promptly shot an email to instructor for advice. She didn't respond until today, which means I lost a week's worth of time of review process. And in her email, she asks me what I should do. Um, hello? I asked her because I don't know. So I contact the IRb and ask them about it and they sure go ahead, but I have to get a faculty member to sign off on everything, which means trying to find a faculty member to commit to working on this project which means school credit for me and diddly-squat for him/her.

Crying: This totally blows. I just want to say 'fuck it' and take a low grade. But I need to learn how to do research so I should persevere. But it hurts! It hurts to be dependent on so many policies and it hurts to try and operate under strict guidelines. It hurts because I am not used to it. Its a lousy thing to have to get used to...

Biting my lip, sucking air: Instructor hasn't answered my second email. I am at a loss. Unsure of how to proceed. So badly want to say 'fuck it'.

Counting to 10: I need to stop expecting immediate answers and learn to be paitent. That is what research is about - waiting, collecting.

Whining: ...but I don't want this class to drag out for 5 or 6 more weeks...I need a break.....

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